Following the spiritual journey of the handsome white man

Amit (Pitobash), Dinesh (Madhur Mittal) and Rinku (Suraj Sharma) dine with J.B. Bernstein and Brenda (Jon Hamm, Lake Bell) in Walt Disney Pictures' "Million Dollar Arm." Photo by Ron Phillips,.©Disney Enterprises, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Running through my mind as I type is next week's trailer for Disney's “Million Dollar Arm.” I use next week's trailer to account for the probable praise from critics – it's easy to visualize words like “triumphant” or “uplifting” materializing on screen alongside a four-star review from Rolling Stone's Peter Travers.

This imaginary trailer roll plays through my imagination because “Million Dollar Arm” is the right kind of pabulum to evoke those sentiments. It's a well-packaged story of hope and dreams and escaping one's circumstances that even comes with a bow in the form of Jon Hamm's handsome mug. But “Million Dollar Arm” is a problematic package, the kind that trades an interesting story of risk and daring for the redemption tale of a white man in a suit.

Leading off with one of those “based on true events” disclaimers, “Million Dollar Arm” stars Hamm as down on his luck sports agent J.B. Bernstein, who left a large-scale agency to build his own group alongside partner Ash Vasudevan (the reliably funny Aasif Mandvi). Things haven't gone well for the two, but Hamm, influenced by beer and late-night channel surfing, stumbles upon an idea to create a talent competition to find baseball players in India. The idea becomes the Million Dollar Arm competition, and Hamm is given one year to prepare two Indian athletes for a tryout in front of Major League scouts.

Hamm then spends weeks cruising across India alongside grumpy scout Ray Poitevint (portrayed by the perpetually grouchy Alan Arkin) and tagalong Amit Rohan (Pitobash) searching for a something akin to natural talent. They do have some success with top-two finishers Rinku Singh (Suraj Sharma) and Dinesh Patel (Madhur Mittal), who are taken to America to train with USC coach Tom House (Bill Paxton).

No, the other Bill Paxton.

What follows is a series of shenanigans rooted in cultural clashes involving the flustered Hamm and his three new housemates – Sharma, Mittal and de facto translator Pitobash. Hamm has to prepare the duo for that vital scouting session, somehow find a balance between life and work, and woo comely doctor cum bungalow renter Brenda (Lake Bell) before the credits start.

There's very little to complain about when it comes to “Million Dollar Arm's” filmmaking. It's an aesthetically pleasing film albeit predictable sports film — in other words, you’ve already seen “Million Dollar Arm” if you've watched just about any sports film from the last 15 years.  

One thing the film has going for it though the presence of Bell as the token suffering wife/girlfriend. A wonderful comedic actress who has spent far too long stealing scenes, Bell imbibes the film with her blend of sweet and strange while providing sharpness to what is often a thankless role. Her presence provides a huge lift to an otherwise sluggish back nine.

I could praise Bell for just about ever (or you could go watch a few episodes of “Childrens Hospital), but “Million Dollar Arm” offers nothing else of note besides her performance and Maandvi's humorous exasperation. It's a tired film marked by Hamm's lackadaisical performance in a dull role, and the filmmakers' unwillingness to venture outside the genre's boundaries and try something interesting exacerbates the issue.

Something interesting in this case would entail telling the story through the eyes of Rinku and Dinesh, who are indeed taking a huge risk in leaving their home for a scintilla of a chance of making the Major Leagues. “Million Dollar Arm” should be their movie, but the filmmakers instead reduce them to plot devices that lead to Hamm's transformation from self-centered, model-dating businessman to a somewhat less self-centered businessman who finds true love in Bell's average appearance.

"Million Dollar Arm's" concept of average differs greatly from mine

A better film would keep Hamm's evolution in the background and focus on the emotional growth Rinku and Dinesh undergo as they navigate through their new environment and learn a wicked hard sport from scratch. But the attention goes to Hamm’s uninteresting Bernstein because the man has a complexion Disney believes is more comfortable for audiences.

There is a segment of people who will bandy about accolades mentioned at the start, but the lovely package presented by Disney is empty of any true feeling or excitement. It’s a bland gift weighed down by uninspired direction and a slavish devotion to a tired trope.

Rating: Two and a half out of Five Stars

Click here to see the trailer.

Ask Away

Target audience: Baseball fans and Hamm lovers.

Take the whole family?: It'll bore the really young kids, but “Million Dollar Arm” is OK for kiddos aged 8 and older.

Theater or Netflix?: Stay home and save the money.

Does Jon Hamm disappoint?: At least a little. The man who is Don Draper essentially sleepwalks his way through the film and coasts on his innate charm and good looks. Then again, J.B. Bernstein is a rather uninteresting character, and it seems Hamm's only job is to serve as a handsome proxy for the real Bernstein. Either way, it's certainly no Jon Hamm's John Ham.

Watch this instead?: Any of the first four “Rocky” films for motivational purposes. In terms of baseball flicks, you're better served renting lighter films like “A League of Their Own,” “Little Big League,” “Rookie of the Year,” “Bad News Bears” or “The Sandlot.”

Rating: PG

Run time: 124 minutes

Genre: Biography

Where do we go from here, Neighbor?

Zac Efron stars as frat president Teddy Sanders in "Neighbors." Photo by Glen Wilson, © 2014 Universal Studios. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

My favorite scene from the surprisingly superb “Neighbors” happens to be one of the smallest. It features Zac Efron's Teddy watching his best friend Pete (Dave Franco) meet with potential employers in preparation for life after college. All Efron, who shortly before admits to possessing a less than impressive GPA, can do is stuff a lollipop in his mouth and walk away as his friend’s future comes to fruition.

There’s nothing obviously exceptional about the short and bittersweet scene, but it serves as one of many emotional underpinnings that grounds “Neighbors'” general zaniness. In a film littered with many goofy, raunchy and rather funny shenanigans, the little moments like that one with Efron make what would be a run-of-the-mill “Animal House” knockoff into a memorable film possessing a lovely underlying sweetness.

That sweetness reveals itself during the first encounter between Efron's fraternity and new neighbors Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne), as the college students' begin to “ooh” and coo at the married couple's adorable infant daughter Stella. It even appears to be the start of a cordial relationship, with Rogen and Byrne receiving a polite invite to attend the fraternity's raucous house-warming party.

An accord is reached quickly in which Rogen and Byrne would ask Efron to turn the music down in lieu of going to the cops, although the agreement is nullified the following night when a similarly loud party keeps the neighboring family awake and attempts to reach Efron via repeated phone calls fail.

The call to the cops ignites a war between the titular neighbors encompassing broken water mains, dangerously misused airbags, some cunning, Jezebel-like subterfuge by Byrne, a series of increasingly poor and misquoted Robert De Niro impersonations until the final showdown. Oh, and there’s a dance off between Rogen and Efron thrown in as well. 

 

When it comes to dance offs, always bet on black.

Certain parts of the previews for “Neighbors'” are rather accurate representations about the viewing experience: The humor is puerile and sexual in nature, Rogen is tossed about like a rag doll on several occasions, and Rogen and Efron each spend a fair amount of the film shirtless. They’re necessary elements though to ensure the film meets its college-comedy requirements, and director Nicholas Stoller does a splendid job presenting juvenile comedy so winningly. Props also go to Efron for sporting a dreamily impressive torso. (Seriously how many crunches does the dude do a day?)

What those previews miss though are the two major elements that separate “Neighbors” from bunk like “Porky's” or the average Adam Sandler film, the first being Byrne's heavy involvement in the dirty deeds between the two domiciles. This isn't an occasion in which the long-suffering wife has to put up with her husband's childlike status; rather, she schemes right alongside Rogen and comes up with the most ingenious trick to play on their younger neighbors. There's even a short scene in which Byrne and Rogen argue over which of the two is supposed to be responsible – as Rogen phrases it in a terrific and succinct manner, they can't both be Kevin James.

It’s for the film’s betterment that neither character is really Kevin James in this situation, nor is there a Kevin James type figure in the film. Despite the escalation of the impish battle, no one from the collection of Rogen, Byrne, Efron or Franco is portrayed as bad person; they're actually pretty decent human beings who act the way they do out of a combination of fear and disappointment about what comes next in their lives. Efron really has no idea of what he'll do once his senior year ends and reality comes calling, while Rogen and Byrne want to stave off the boring life that accompanies parenthood. As Rogen and Byrne show, it’s difficult to enjoy a rave while lugging around an infant in a Baby Bjorn.

All three characters lack direction, and “Neighbors” uses that to remove any real cruelty from their actions; they’re more angry and frustrated at themselves than they are at the people on the other side of the fence.

Most importantly, none of the three major stars in “Neighbors” are forced to grow up; rather, the filmmakers simply guide them toward the important self-realization. In other words, being a parent is pretty cool (at least it is for the ones who dress their kid up like Walter White for a calendar), and, hey, fun and prosperous times still await after the party ends.

Rating: Four out of Five Stars 

Click here for a preview

Ask Away

Target audience: Men between the ages of 14 and 25 and any accompanying late-teen or early-20s women nostalgic for Zac Efron's shirtless antics in “High School Musical.”

Take the whole family?: The word I'm looking for begins with an “n” and ends in an “o” and is in fact the word “no.”

Theater or Netflix?: It wouldn't be a terrible waste of money to check this out in theaters, at least as a matinee.

Did anything else about 'Neighbors' impress?: Director Nicholas Stoller's strong work behind the camera is worth noting. The man knows how to keep a party sequence interesting, and he adds little quirks – a few shots have a cell-phone camera aesthetic, and there’s really visually bendy scene with Efron – that ensure those scenes maintain a modicum of vibrancy.

Watch this as well?: Families in search of more kid-friendly and intellectually impressive pranks should seek out “Real Genius” starring Val Kilmer, which deserves the kudos the deplorable “Revenge of the Nerds” receives. You could also watch two classic “Simpsons” episodes – “Homer Goes to College” and “Two Bad Neighbors” – back-to-back.

 

Not sure how this hasn't become my ringtone yet.

Rating: R

Run time: 96 minutes

Genre: Comedy