Uncle Drew can't buy a bucket

Kyrie Irving in Uncle Drew. Image courtesy Lionsgate.

There is something at least mildly intriguing about the Uncle Drew commercials. For a piece of pure commercialism, they have a little soul and grit, a little mystery hidden underneath the inherent silliness of the premise. The cinematography is exceptional for a commercial, depicting the simple beauty of a basketball court at night. The ads do little to hide their nature (I doubt people are chugging Pepsi Max at courts across the country), but for commercials those nuggets are chill and cool and still fun to watch.

And yet none of that translates into Uncle Drew, the feature-length adaptation of the commercial series. Despite ripping off the story arc of the Pepsi commercials, the movie adaptation went in a far more comedic, broad direction. The smooth simplicity of the Pepsi Max commercials are gone, replaced by forced wackiness, weak sauce storytelling, and stale old-man jokes. Even as vessels to sell a bland Pepsi product, the commercials are far, far superior than the cinematic adaptation, a rather disturbing fact that results in an often disheartening cinematic viewing experience.

In both the commercials and the movie, Uncle Drew is a streetball legend (played by Celtics point guard Kyrie Irving) who goes around basketball courts across the country to school some uneducated, impetuous ballers. The plot basically follows the story from the commercials, with Uncle Drew running back his old squad back (older versions of former NBA players Chris Webber, Nate Robinson, Reggie Miller, and Shaq, as well as WNBA great Lisa Leslie) for a tournament at the legendary Rucker Park. They're playing on behalf of the desperate Dax (Lil Rel Howery), whose star player Casper (Orlando Magic forward Aaron Gordon) and the rest of his team is swiped by longtime rival Mookie (Nick Kroll). Dax's girlfriend Jess (Tiffany Haddish) also dumps him early on, but he meets the far cooler Maya (Erica Ash) in the second act, and they inevitably hook up after Dax hits the big shot to end the big game.

As a film, Uncle Drew is pretty dire. None of the basketball players save Webber (who gets the best line of the movie) can act, and much of their activities on screen amount to time consumption.The plot is carried by sport clichés and even more filler that makes for what feel like an endless movie. Writer Jay Longino's script is covered in illogical decisions, gaping holes in continuity, and uninteresting, exposition inflated dialog. There are jokes that appear on occasion, which are immediately commented on by Dax to undermine whatever humor might have existed in the first place. It’s easy to tell Howery is trying to improvise throughout, despite the absence of decent material to spin off from. Director Charles Stone III seems unenthusiastic about his material, and it shows in the film's overarching sloppiness and laziness. As a basic piece of filmmaking, Uncle Drew fails phenomenally.

Yet even all of the sloppiness and laziness can’t strip Uncle Drew of its unadulterated love for basketball. The movie hints at an interesting idea about how basketball is a cornerstone for a community, a sport people can gather together to admire athletic brilliance and smooth crossovers. Uncle Drew is pretty OK when it puts the camera in front of the players and just shoots the game, giving its players some time to shine. And even if the cast can’t act, they can all ball, with Irving showcasing his splendid handle and Webber capturing glimpses of his unique brilliance as a player. Even Gordon, completely wasted on the Orlando Magic, gets a few moments to shine. The glimpses of these players messing around the court are the closest Uncle Drew gets to having a highlight. 

 

A smarter filmmaker would make the court the soul of this movie. Alas, the basketball is dispiritingly sparse in Uncle Drew. The movie talks about the spirituality of the sport without really showing the effects it has on the soul. Rucker Park is a great setting for a movie like this because of how much it embodies the sense community the sport can breed, yet the movie hardly takes advantage of having such a splendid church to pray in. There might be something to Uncle Drew if the basketball came first; the movie still wouldn't be good, but it would at least be something worth watching.

Review: One and a half out of Five Stars

Click here to see the trailer.

Rating: PG-13

Run time: 103 minutes

Genre: Comedy

tl;dr

What Worked: Chris Webber, Tiffany Haddish, Nick Kroll, the basketball

What Sucked: The plot, the jokes, Kyrie Irving's old-man voice, Shaq's old-man makeup

Watch Instead: Blues Brothers, Love & Basketball, Gunnin' for That #1 Spot, Above the Rim

Dinosaurs, excitement in short supply in Fallen Kingdom

Chris Pratt in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Image courtesy Universal Pictures.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is not a good movie. It is, in fact, a remarkably bad movie whose sole enjoyment comes from its lack of quality. Fallen Kingdom is mind-numbingly awful, a disgrace to the legacy established 25 years ago. This movie serves as yet another reminder of mankind’s hubris, a testament to the dangers of recapturing an extinct past.

Bryce Dallas Howard and Chris Pratt are back a few years after watching an entire island of dinosaurs attempt to eat its guests. This time around, they want to save those dinosaurs from an impending volcano eruption on Isla Nublar. They're joined by a pair of dinosaur fanatics (Justice Smith and Daniella Pineda), and a collection of soldiers to save as many dinosaurs as possible. At least, that is the idea, although those plans go to pot once some of the pool of Toby Jones, Rafe Spall, James Cromwell, and Ted Levine, try to once again profit off the poor creatures. Jeff Goldblum makes a brief return as Ian Malcolm, although his shirts remain fully buttoned. And there are the dinosaurs, with a few standbys (the T-Rex and the Velociraptor named Blue) and a new dinosaur that will make for a mediocre toy.

Essentially, the thrill of seeing a dinosaur has gone away. The previous Jurassic Park franchise entries possessed at least a modicum of wonder for the dinosaurs, using John Williams' brilliant score to convey their inherent majesty. With Fallen Kingdom, the dinosaurs serve as pets or menaces, in both scenarios representing a step toward humankind's eventual self destruction. But they aren’t magical anymore, the brilliant impossibility of the premise has become lost and nearly forgotten. The one moment Fallen Kingdom takes to absorb the spectacle of it all is ultimately lackluster and marred by an incredibly stupid decision by one of the main characters. Even after a decade-plus siesta to recharge and come up with new and better ideas, this franchise is so tired the minds behind it can't make the classics work anymore. 

 

The beats in Fallen Kingdom belong to the franchise's previous entries. The looming threats of menace, the dinosaurs lurking right behind characters waiting to bite, the T-Rex that comes out of nowhere to wantonly save the protagonists or punish a villain at the exact right moment. All have been done before in earlier Jurassic Park movies. And, frankly, all of those movies did it leagues better than Fallen Kingdom. It's gotten to the point where the beats are so obvious, so telegraphed and silly, the series has become a parody of itself. Fear has transformed into camp, the dinosaurs devolving from the things that go bump in the night into comedic prompts with fantastical timing. Camp could work in a series like Jurassic Park, taking a little bite off of the seriousness and just letting the dinosaurs frolic and eat people because people are more filling than small critters. Fallen Kingdom has a lesson to teach about valuing life in all of its forms, a fairly important message that is both poorly conveyed and very much inappropriate in camp. Camp works because the point doesn't ultimately matter; a sincere message is the death of good camp.

Fallen Kingdom is bogged down by incompetence. The movie is rife with bad dialog and worst exposition, a premise that effectively makes the characters from Jurassic World look like idiots, and awkward plotting that leaves many a dangerous plot hole to fall into. But it's the characters themselves that make the best worst decisions, constantly engaging in activities whose repercussions greatly outweigh the benefits. Even the intelligent characters make some really, really bad choices, decisions that are asinine even before a dinosaur or two starts chomping on them. Yet the dumbest decision of all is the continued push by characters to monetize the dinosaurs for nefarious reasons. From the first film until through this one, there is always at least one character who decides they can make more money off the dinosaurs by being shady. Despite a whole universe in which the dangers of Jurassic Park were publicized and repeated, this one basic lesson has still not been absorbed. This lack of additional motivation is a clear failing for a franchise it has not found a way to create new, interesting motivations for their characters. Given a real world in which cloning is an ethical issue and the existence of dinosaurs conflicts with some religious philosophies, the screenwriters have ample material to build from. And yet they don’t pursue something new, instead relying on old tricks that can’t succeed with uninteresting filmmakers driving them.

Review: One and a half out of Five Stars

Rating: PG-13

Run time: 128 minutes

Genre: Action

tl;dr

What Worked: Some of the dinosaurs, James Cromwell, Geraldine Chaplin, Chris Pratt’s physical comedy skills.

What Sucked: Plotting, dialog, tone, directing, screenwriting, the score, uninteresting CGI.

Watch Instead: Jurassic Park

Ocean's 8 light and breezy

Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett in Ocean's 8. Image courtesy Warner Bros.

A selling point for Ocean's 8 is the flippant nature of its tone. The movie rarely takes itself or its genuinely ridiculous story too seriously, maintaining the precise slight tone needed to carry a mildly convoluted heist movie. There isn't a ton of substance to this movie, but it works in large part because it doesn't feel the need to throw in points of great severity or interest. It’s a breezy summer comedy, and it is pretty good at being just that.

Ocean's 8 is technically a spin-off from the Ocean's 11 franchise started in 2001. This iteration stars Sandra Bullock as Danny Ocean’s sister Debbie, the eponymous lead of the band. Debbie is just out of prison and looking to pull off a big score, looping in her friend Lou (Cate Blanchett) to plan an epic heist at the upcoming Met Gala. The target is an impossibly valuable Cartier diamond necklace to be worn by actress Daphne Kluger (Anne Hathaway), which requires a crack team (consisting of Mindy Kaling, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter, Awkwafina, and Sarah Paulson) to figure out exactly how to steal a more than $100 million piece of jewelry amid a highly secured social event.

The plan they come up with is complicated and requires canny and expert timing to pull off, which follows the gist of the last three movies. The spirit of Danny Ocean, and by extension the recent Ocean's trilogy, looms over Ocean's 8. Although mentioning Debbie's relationship with Danny serves as a strong tie between franchises, making Danny Ocean a focal point for Debbie’s actions effectively undercuts any attempts at individuality for this movie. It's as if the filmmakers and producers were afraid Ocean's 8 would fail without some connection to Ocean's 11, so they hammered home the familial link as strongly as they could. It works as intended – the references to Danny, along with a couple of cameos, certainly tie the franchises together – but the cost is preventing Debbie and her movie from standing on their own. They are inextricably tied to a series neither Debbie nor her band of thieves were ever part of, their movie trapped by comparisons the filmmakers thrust upon themselves. 

  

What separates Ocean's 8 from Ocean's 11 is the coolness Steven Soderbergh's interpretation reveled in. That version just oozes cool, starting with the casting of George Clooney and Brad Pitt and extending to Soderbergh's aesthetics. Even if the plot was OK, the movie's panache made it worth watching. Ocean's 8 just doesn't have that touch. The casting has an effect on this – Bullock is great, but she doesn't have the same charm that Clooney has, and no one else on the cast can reach those heights. And director Gary Ross is no Soderbergh, unable to match Soderbergh's brilliant use of lighting and some basic camera tricks. Soderbergh films have a touch of flair and hint of lightness that show they clearly belong to Soderbergh. Ross seems to be a guy behind a camera, missing any sense of personality or true ownership of his movie. 

 

So cool is out in Ocean's 8. In its place is an abundance of chic and style, a sense of fashion the original movies implied but never owned. This is something that is a little more difficult to process. On the one hand, the fashion-heavy plot is a bit easy for a female-oriented film, sort of a cheap expectation. On the other hand, what is shown on screen mostly, and it is one of the major areas where Ocean's 8 deviates from Debbie's brother. Even if it isn't the most progressive plot point to take, the sartorial selections are eye-catching and provide the one real sense of uniqueness in an otherwise unoriginal premise.

At it's best, Ocean's 8 is a fun little caper film. The movie's heart is in the scenes leading up to the great theft, with the actresses spitballing off one another as they establish a sense of camaraderie, despite having known one another for less than three weeks. The banter is light and breezy – Ross isn't a great director, but he and co-writer Olivia Milch have some nice dialog – and Bullock, Blanchett, Rihanna, and company appear pretty comfortable with one another. The movie is funny and light, serving as a light break between superhero blockbusters. Ocean's 8 doesn't have the filmmaking chops of Ocean's 11, but like her brother's first heist 17 years ago, Debbie Ocean's caper is a pretty good time.

Review: Three and a half out of Five Stars

Click here to see the trailer.

Rating: PG-13

Run time: 110 minutes

Genre: Action

Ask Away
Target audience: People who look at the movie poster and are at least OK with the actresses in it.

Take the whole family?: Aside from a little bad language, the content isn't problematic for kids. Most kids just won't be interested in watching this.

Theater or Netflix?: A matinee showing should be OK.

Watch this as well?: Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's 11 remake isn't his best film, but it is cool, stylish, and filled with an unbelievable amount of swagger. For viewers with a taste for meatier caper movies, check out the great Sexy Beast.

Upgrade a gritty futuristic B-movie

Logan Marshall-Green in Upgrade. Image courtesy BH TILT.

Upgrade is defined by its inherent identity crisis. It’s a futuristic movie, complete with robot limbs and guns for hands, but the science fiction is a delivery sySTEM for some retro B-movie carnage. It’s a nasty little movie, complete with the flaws inherent to the genre and a rather frustrating plot point a movie like this really shouldn’t require. There’s nothing great or grand about Upgrade, but the movie delivers what it promises with grit and tenacity, unburdened by expectations to do anything more than that.

The movie’s plot is both pretty basic and really bonkers. It’s the typical revenge movie, in which an average guy Grey (Logan Marshall-Green) is the victim of a violent attack that leaves his wife Asha (Melanie Vallejo) dead and himself paralyzed. Unable to defend his life or seek revenge, Grey gets salvation thanks to an anti-social scientist (Harrison Gilbertson) who implants Grey with a chip that allows him to regain movement. It’s only after the surgery that Grey disobers the chip, called STEM, can speak to him as well. STEM (voiced by Simon Maiden) is worth keeping around, as he can deliver the revenge Grey seeks while helping him evade the watchful eye of Detective Cortez (Betty Gabriel). STEM’s ability to speak to and control Grey are either an added benefit or a very strong reason to worry.

Upgrade treats an artificial intelligence-driven future as an inevitability, although it doesn't have a unique or particularly interesting take about a potential future overtaken by AI. The fear of technology taking over, of humans ceding control to the more convenient alternative is a ragged trope. Upgrade doesn't add much to those concerns, showing a world a few steps beyond the current iteration – smart home technology is more advanced, the self-driving cars sort of work – but is spiraling closer and closer to being controlled by machines. Technology in the movie is depicted as being either a nuisance or a menace, the possible good outweighed by a litany of cons. The newest tech is bad and scary, a device that both causes the destruction of humanity and the rise of a new social order. Upgrade would be a much deeper film if it had something to say about a world on the precipice of losing itself to machines, but writer/director Leigh Whannell uses his tech-driven milieu in a way that is sort of fascinating. Technology, in Whannell's hands, is a tool of brilliant violence, a method of finding new ways to shock the audience with gore and imaginative kills. Whether it's the machine driven man or the men integrated with machines, Upgrade is interested in finding unique ways to kill its characters in cringeworthy ways. A good to great B-movie is defined by how much gratuitous violence it can toss into a tight run time. Even though the movie isn't overly innovative with its kills, the presentation is fresh and gritty, the right kind of mix to keep a B-movie audience engaged.

What Upgrade should be called out for is the use of a death of a significant other to drive the protagonist to action. The issue is a combination of screenwriting laziness – paralyzing Grey is more motivation enough for a revenge flick – and having yet another movie kill a character to advance the story arc of another character is just bad character development. That the significant other is a woman is both unsurprising – it's difficult to count the number of movies in which this scenario is the other way around – and unproductive from a societal aspect. The benefits of doing so are outweighed by the audience frustration of watching yet another movie about white men avenging their wives’ deaths.

Adding to the frustration is the movie didn’t really need to do that at all, as Whannell's script is solid enough it actually detracts from what he’s trying to do. The progression of the relationship between Grey and STEM makes narrative sense and is handled well. The general flow of the film is easy, and credit goes to Whannell for keeping things within a friendly, 95-minute run time. Then there's the twist, and then the twist within the twist, and then the twist within the twist within the twist, and then the twist within the twist within the twist within the twist. It's about as complicated as it sounds, but all of the moving parts work in sync because Whannell provides a decent blend of foreshadowing and red herrings to keep the audience guessing a little bit. And the ultimate twist is really, really dark, aligning with Upgrade's themes, tone, and narrative. It's not a perfect ending, but it is the right one for an old-school B-movie oozing pessimism and hopelessness.

Review: Three and a half out of Five Stars

 

Click here to see the trailer.

Rating: R

Run time: 95 minutes

Genre: Action

Ask Away
Target audience: B-movie fans.

Take the whole family?: The R rating is well deserved.

Theater or Netflix?: It wouldn’t be the end of the world to wait for a streaming rental.

Watch this as well?: Upgrade borrows a lot from other sources, Frankenstein among them, but for body horror it's hard to go wrong with David Cronenberg's classic Videodrome.