Robert De Niro has sunk to a new low

Zac Efron and Robert De Niro exert energy in "Dirty Grandpa." Image courtesy Lionsgate.

I have no idea why Robert De Niro chose to participate in “Dirty Grandpa.” I doubt very much that he needs a cash influx – being Robert De Niro creates access to choice roles not offered to the Burt Reynolds of the world. There is a chance De Niro just likes these types of films – he did star in multiple “Meet the Parents” flicks over the years – although his palpable boredom and sincere lack of effort on screen makes that a no. Maybe he just wanted to exchange lazy innuendo with Aubrey Plaza, which, really, is difficult to fault a person for doing at all. Whatever the reason may be, the result is a dreadful film that has one of the greatest cinematic figures repeatedly jamming his thumb up Zac Efron's butt and dropping a lot of discomfiting racist and homophobic humor because why not.

Before all of that happens though, De Niro's Dick Kelly is mourning the loss of his beloved wife, who died after a very long battle with cancer. Supposedly grief stricken, De Niro recruits his grandson Jason (Efron), a young lawyer at his father's (Dermot Mulroney) firm, to drive with him from Atlanta to Boca Raton Florida to play a little golf and bond. It’s worth nothing that this plan, for whatever reason, takes place a week before Efron's wedding to stereotypical controlling fiance Meredith (Julianne Hough).

De Niro’s plan gets derailed once he and Efron encounter college students Plaza (about a decade too old for this role, but whatever), Bradley (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, also a decade too old for his part) and Efron's former classmate/token love interest Shadia (Zoey Deutch, actually the appropriate age for her part) heading to Daytona Beach for spring break weekend.  De Niro really, really wants to spend some quality time with Plaza, and coerces Efron to head to the beach for a weekend of debauchery. There they encounter irascible drug dealer Pam (Jason Mantzoukas), LAX bros Cody and Brah (Jake Picking and Michael Hudson, respectively) and some morally squiffy cops (Mo Collins and Henry Zebrowski), among others. Such racism, along with shenanigans involving penises, drawings of penises, sexual harassment, drugs, booze, flexing, punching and everything else that happens during an average weekend in Florida, ensue.

Something “Dirty Grandpa” deserves credit for is delivering exactly what the previews and title promise; De Niro saying and doing filthy, disgusting things. For anyone who wants to see Jimmy Conway do such things, this is probably the best opportunity he or she will ever have to witness such things, regardless of how effective Jake LaMotta is at actually performing it. The answer to that remains to be determined; as mentioned above, De Niro really isn't putting in that much effort into this one – even his emotional scenes underwhelm – so he gets a begrudging incomplete. It is, however, fair to provide an “F” to the person who decided to cast young Vito Corleone as the comedic driving force for this film.

I'd say De Niro doesn't quite fit this type of film, but I'm not sure the filmmakers (director Dan Mazer and writer John Phillips) are up to the task of serving a proper film. The plot, which is trite and obvious, makes zero sense and stretches the limits of credulity frequently. There are also a number of weird plot holes that need filling in, most notably how Efron and Deutch could have taken a class together when the former is an established attorney and the latter hasn't graduated college. Add to that some noticeable continuity errors and frequent syncing issues with the audio, and you have yourself a rather lovely mess of a film.

A comedy can overcome such issues, although a movie does actually have to be funny to do so. I shouldn't say “Dirty Grandpa” is a dire film that acts as a sinkhole for jokes – humor is subjective after all – but  I can say whatever laughs are to be found in this film are based on stereotypes, sexual anatomy, De Niro, or some combination of the three. In other words, it's not very inventive, although neither is the depiction of women as, to put it uncomfortably bluntly, sluts, saints and shrews. “Dirty Grandpa” aims for the reliable lowest common denominator and strikes gold at the expense of social progress, the state of comedy, and De Niro's dignity, or at least what's left of it.

Rating: One and a half out of Five Stars

Click here to see the trailer.

Rating: R

Run time: 102 minutes

Genre: Comedy

Ask Away

Target audience: Anyone who wants to watch Robert De Niro curse wantonly.

Take the whole family?: An onslaught of junk shots makes this rather inappropriate for kids, so keep anyone below their mid teens at home.

Theater or Netflix?: Netflix and other streaming options only if you must.

What does work in 'Dirty Grandpa'?: A couple of jokes do land to bump it from miserable to just bad, and Jason Mantzoukas and Aubrey Plaza are both very game, even if the former's character belongs in a radically different film. Despite my reservations about this film, “Dirty Grandpa,” somehow, could've been a whole lot worse.

Watch this instead?: You're better served checking out a couple of movies featuring the stars of “Dirty Grandpa.” Both “Neighbors” (which has Mantzoukas and Zac Efron) and “The To Do List” (featuring Plaza) are silly, gross-out comedies, but they're smarter than expected and much better executed than this one.

Stay away from 'Norm of the North'

Rob Schneider voices Norm in "Norm of the North." Image courtesy Lionsgate.

I'm not even sure where to begin with “Norm of the North.” I just do not know where to start with this wretched, aesthetically hideous little film guided by intellectual laziness and a star best known for making copies. “Norm of the North” represents much of what’s wrong with children's entertainment and movies. It fails on almost every conventional level, but does so in the least entertaining fashion possible. It's less of a train wreck than a toy locomotive spinning its wheels sideways on the edge of the track that was never going anywhere anyway.

“Norm of the North” is about a polar bear named Norm voiced poorly by Rob Schneider. Norm is special because he can talk to humans, just like his missing grandfather (poor Colm Meaney), so he's not really all that special, but whatever; it's the closest the film gets to offering him some semblance of uniqueness. He usually doesn’t employ his gift of gabbing with humans (although he converses interminably with everything else), but he is required to use that talent to save his arctic home from evil rich fellow Mr. Greene (Ken Jeong) who plans to build condos on the North Pole. For reasons that are known to somebody else, the mission to save his home takes Norm to New York City, where he pretends to be human and auditions to become the new corporate spokesperson and work with Mr. Greene’s morally conflicted assistant Vera (Heather Graham).

The plan, apparently, is for Norm to become so popular people will listen to him speak out against building in the arctic. It’s an exceptionally terrible idea and it backfires magnificently for obvious reasons. So Norm then has to do a few things to create a happy ending that saves his home, ruins Mr. Greene’s plans, brings Vera closer to her daughter Olympia (Maya Kay), saves his grandfather, and offers enough time for the stupid polar bear to dance. There are also lemmings involved in all of this; three awful, annoying, insipid lemmings who try ever so hard to pass themselves off as non-union Minions.

“Norm of the North” isn't as awful as it sounds; it's far, far worse. It's a garbage film made by clueless people and carried by a man whose most discernible talent is a grand ability to annoy. “Norm of the North” is an endeavor that feels as if it lasts forever but somehow can't even make it to the 90 minute mark. And, really, there isn't enough of a plot for the movie to make it that far; the film includes two sequences that repeat scenes from earlier in the movie and seven (seven!) soul-sucking dance sequences, including three in the first act. The filmmakers even toss one in after what could have been a tolerable ending because kids needed to see Norm do the so-called Arctic Shake dance routine one last time. The flashbacks and the numerous dance sequences are indicative of an undercurrent of laziness that carries “Norm of the North” to its uneventful, anticlimactic denouement. The jokes are frequently scatological in the least interesting fashion possible, or are outright stolen from films like “Austin Powers.” Much of what isn’t potty humor is weird in a discomfiting manner; there’s just something off about watching an orca consume a seal right after a dance scene. There's no real thought put into this film, no consideration for children's intelligence or their ability to pick things up instead of having characters just vomit out plot points via characters who never shut up. Schneider's Norm just chatters through this movie like a myna bird on pep pills, and what he has to say has less value than what the speed-addled bird would spew.

And yet “Norm of the North” still can't talk itself out of the abundance of plot holes that only strengthen the vortex of suck. The plot makes zero sense logistically and logically and requires far more complications than just having Norm come out as a polar bear who speaks human (human meaning English, because of course it does).

The stupidity this film possesses is mind boggling and frightening, and it treats the children it wants to entertain as dolts. The thing of it is, kids are not stupid; they can figure out emotional nuance and plot machinations without too much help from an adult. Then again, perhaps “Norm of the North” isn’t condescending to viewers; rather, the film needs to announce what’s happening so it knows what’s going on.

Review: A Half out of Five Stars

Click here to see the trailer.

Rating: PG

Run time: 86 minute

Genre: Animated

Ask Away

Target audience: Suckers.

Take the whole family?: Technically it is family friendly, although it doesn't quite work for the youngest set due to some poorly done adult humor.

Theater or Netflix?: No. Just no.

Does “Norm of the North” do anything right?: I kept the half star in there because there is a nugget of an interesting idea in using the condo scheme as a comment on gentrification. The execution fails miserably because this movie lacks the most basic levels of competency, but that little bit is just enough to keep it from getting a complete zero.

Watch this instead?: Almost anything else. To be more specific, watch the tremendous Cartoon Network show “Steven Universe.” An average episode – all of 11 minutes – has more heart, laughs and vibrancy than anything “Norm of the North” has to offer.