The tired misadventures of two cranky old men

Robert Redford and Nick Nolte in a scene from "A Walk in the Woods." Image courtesy Broad Green Pictures.

“A Walk in the Woods” is sloppily crafted as a tale of adventure and daring for two old men very much past their primes. The crotchety men in question are fighting against the unforgiving elements of nature while battling personal demons, the ravages of age, constant doubt of their success due to their age, and annoyances of unusual size as they trek through the wilderness. The story of the two old men’s journey is supposed to blend quirky anecdotes with bits self-reflection for the men of a rather old age to uncover some deep truth only the walk through the woods can reveal.

It's strange, then, how hollow this film feels, how empty the messages are and how mundane the little side stories end up being. “A Walk in the Woods” is like one of those chocolate Easter bunnies you find in the basket: You chomp down hoping for something sweet on the inside, only to get the taste of subpar milk chocolate and disappointment trapped in your mouth. 

Freaking bait and switch.

The film “A Walk in the Woods” is based on the travelogue of the same name by renowned travel writer and apparent humorist Bill Bryson. If the movie is to be believed, the book is based on a hike Bryson, played in the film by the handsome but too old Robert Redford, took along the Appalachian Trail alongside long-lost friend Stephen Katz, portrayed with a beautiful blend of sadness and enthusiasm by Tom Waits sound-alike Nick Nolte.

The film follows them during their attempt to hike through the infamous trail – it can start or end in either Georgia or Maine – as they reconnect and engage in monkey shines involving talkative hikers (Kristen Schaal), potential love interests (Mary Steenburgen) and other misadventures. Emma Thompson also pops up for a little bit in the beginning as Redford's loving but worried wife; it's a clichéd role, although rather well acted because it's Emma Thompson performing it. I wish the film had  given Thompson more to do, although that’s a general complaint for almost any film she’s in excluding her “Nanny McPhee” flicks. 

Although the sequel is kind of worth watching due to its slow-building insanity.

“A Walk in the Woods” isn’t the film the poster makes it seem; rather, the bits of thoughtfulness are overshadowed by the film’s mild humor. And perhaps the film could sell whatever brand of humor it has to offer had it, say, cast someone with a bit of comedic chops to star as Bryson instead of a more dour actor like Redford. The man just doesn’t work as a comedian or even a comedic figure; he's flat at the wrong times, too self-serious to make the jokes at his expense succeed, and he doesn't quite have the inflection or the devilish glint in his eyes to pull off some of the more interesting bits of banter between himself and Nolte.

Simply put, Redford isn't funny, and “A Walk in the Woods” would be better served with either a different actor as Bryson or with a new direction to tailor the film to its star (and producer). Although it’s not like the film’s humor is all that original or noteworthy; audiences will get a few shots of Redford and Nolte falling down into water or or upon rocks; Redford and Nolte making fat jokes; Redford and Nolte engaging in a little misogyny that's apparently charming given their ages; and, most notably, Redford and Nolte commenting and complaining about how old they have become. It gets pretty irritating listening to Redford and Nolte grump their way through one of the most gorgeous hikes in America as if they were the second coming of Lemon and Matthau. 

And I'd much rather watch the real McCoys.

That's all viewers gets out of “A Walk in the Woods,” a series of misadventures featuring two old men. Whatever profundity that might exist in the book is lost on screen, as is the majesty of the mountains and any real sense of fear and danger the two face as they hike alone through the wild. There’s just nothing interesting beneath the surface, especially with the relationship between Redford and Nolte that rings false and untrue. The film tries to establish some missing past between them, some series of misadventures worth remembering and reflecting on through heavy use of expositional dialogue, yet they never act like they’ve known each other for years and they never exhibit those little ticks of familiarity.

In hindsight, I should retract my comparison between “A Walk in the Woods” in that chocolate bunny. Sure, both remain disappointingly empty on the inside, but at least the bunny’s lacuna is covered in sweetness.

Review: Two out of Five Stars

Click here to see the trailer.

Rating: R

Run time: 104 minutes

Genre: Comedy

Ask Away

Target audience: People partial to Bill Bryson's writing, Robert Redford, or just watching two old men get into silly shenanigans.

Take the whole family?: The “R” is there mostly for some foul language, but this is another one of those films in which the content wouldn't interest anyone younger than 17 anyway.

Theater or Netflix?: Keep on tap for Netflix if you must.

Is the central relationship kind of gross?: Very much so, with the main issue the respective ages of the central couple. Emma Thompson is 56 (although she looks late 30s because Emma Thompson is majestic), while Robert Redford is a good looking but still clearly 79 years old. Factoring in the oft-repeated point that the couple has remained wed for 40 years, and that means a 39-year-old man married a 16-year-old girl in this film's universe.

Watch this instead?: For a hiking film, you can do much worse than 2014's “Wild,” which chronicles writer Cheryl Strayed's hike of the PCL. It's worth it just for Reese Witherspoon’s and Laura Dern’s respective performances.